To Skate On Sun

I am uninterested in compromising my anger and frustration for the approval of the academy or an individual. As a black woman, my experience with the white monolith has left the darkest of tastes on my tongue. No matter where I am or with whom, I am always conscious of the way I am being perceived by the world (which is white, male and racist). Why should I apologize for my fear? I can not recall a time where I have ever felt thoroughly comfortable in my black skin while in a room full of white skin. I can barely recall a time where my radical nature has not been picked apart as an experiment, even by my most wonderful white friends. When I use the term “white people” as a generalization, I use it knowing full well that it is an accurate generalization that accurately describes my constant experience.

Asking me to “be more specific” or to “be more careful” about my generalizations really says “please excuse me, don’t saddle me with this guilt”. This is not about your guilt or your discomfort. Furthermore, your discomfort says a lot more about you than it does about me.

“btw, after taking the time to care for what your about and listening to what you have to say through browsing through some of your poetry, posts, etc. it shocks me that you would have any white friends. To think that you could fight racism with racism is pathetic. The only outcome an eye for and eye brought about was entire world of blind people. Your gross generalizations of white people deeply hurt, and it’s sad that you pass your racism on to your younger sister. ‘not the white kind of jews that turn on you’ hmmmm.. well have a nice day-“

Yesterday, a twitter debate with someone who was trying to convince us that Ron Paul is not a racist ended with this. “the fact of the matter is today we live in a society where you are free and we are equal. So why linger?”

Boom.

- What time is it?

- Where are you?

- (Who are you) What is your name?

Most people of color cannot answer these questions correctly. Most people will answer these generically, suggesting answers like “3:30” and “my home”.

These are not the answers I am looking for. 

Name: If you are from an immigrant family, more than likely (unless you are from an asian country or a european country) you have a name that was given to you through the process of colonization. If you are an African American person (with an american last name) that is not your name - that is still your title. Most of us carry the last names of our family’s owners - specifically, our slave masters. Think about that for a few moments: tell me how it makes you feel.

Time: The time is not 3:25, the time is now. Ask yourself what is happening right now, in the world, in your body, in your mind. 

Where: You are here. Wherever here is. But you need to know where here is. Here is not ‘New York’, or ‘Boston’ - organize your mind to know the social climate, to know exactly where the world is and how the place we are in oppresses you and your people. 

^^ This is consciousness.

The man who ended our twitter conversation with that statement obviously has no idea where we are, who we are, or what time it is. Had he known these things, he would never have suggested (so carelessly) that we ‘get past it’. We are not free. Not physically, not mentally, not monetarily.

And we are definitely, definitely not equal.

blackacrylic:

23.01.11

I had a really interesting discussion about identity, self hate, cultural capital etc with my BFF today and it got me thinking of Margaret Bowland’s selection of paintings of young black girls in white face. When asked to comment on ‘Kenyetta and Brianna’ Bowland that ‘It is a commentary on how women still have to jump through all these hoops to be desirable. These girls are still visible beneath all those layers of crap … they’re still looking back at you.’ I think that a lot of black girls looking at Bowland’s paintings would say that the metaphor transcends beyond the art world. For many black girls Bowland’s paintings are a life metaphor - reflecting a reality where black girls are often marginalised by European standards of beauty. I agree with Cherise Kramarae when she states that ‘For women of color who are viewers, trying to achieve idealised femininity entails not only adjusting or refining one’s body, but also rejecting one’s identity and certain characteristics altogether. To resist this artificial standard is to stand apart from beauty as defined by society’. The frustrating thing for me is that even if you put the fact that there is very little aesthetic diversity across all media platforms to the side, in the black community we impose European standards of beauty on each other with a vengeance. It’s black men that make fun of Alek Wek and it’s black girls arguing about natural hair v relaxer/weave war (e.g ‘These little nappy headed hoes need a terminator’ - Nicki Minaj) etc. It’s this infighting that is the real tragedy.

Somebody told a lie and we believed it.

(via amantesuntamentes)

• Today, in the tattoo parlor, while speaking of consciousness and the -1 factor with Kesed and Jorge, the piercing specialist asked me to explain whiteness. In conversation, he felt open enough to tell us that he was once worked in a corporate setting and hated affirmative action because he felt like he had to “give” positions to the underprivileged people instead of the people that were qualified. I had to explain to him that he hadn’t given anyone anything, and that he was, yes, obligated (by law) to hire the person with lesser privilege, but ultimately, the underprivileged people are required to be qualified for the job before they can be hired. He didn’t understand that he was creating equality - he thought he was disrupting it.
• This week, the video that had my friend Alexis re-posted of these young high school boys spewing racist terminology and ideas went viral. The school (a nyc public school) did not concern themselves with punishing or reprimanding the boys. the chancellor, the school administration, and the NEWS REPORTER were more concerned with having the video removed. The young woman who the young boys targeted in the video may be removed from the school, though she is the victim. They tell her that it isn’t a safe environment. They aren’t doing anything to secure the environment for her. 
• Someone told me, on tuesday (an adult), that race relations was a false concern and that we are moving towards a color-blind society. I’ll let you interpret that for yourself.
• On the metro north, thursday night, a drunk college student asked me to have his babies because he’s “always wanted pretty half black babies. They’re so cute when they’re born. And I bet sex with you would be the shit - adouble deal.”
• On the metro north, tonight, a few kids from Westchester got on the train with me, their noses still sporting white spots from the coke they’d been snorting. One of the girls sat next to me and told me her entire life story. She decided to not go to culinary school in france because she didn’t want to leave her boyfriend. This is more of a beef with monetary privilege than white privilege, but it still fucking applies. 
• I live across the street from Fordham University, a private Catholic university with a great football team (aka, jock central). I walked into the pizza parlor at 2:13 A.M. to get an Arizona, and all the white kids stared at me as if I were the one out of place, as if their dorms did not occupy the best apartments in the neighborhood that is still filled with the people who had to leave those apartments to accommodate the university’s request. #gentrification at its best.

I don’t give a shit if you think I’m too critical. The critical people are the ones who alter the framework. You can’t fix the framework if you can’t see where its failing. I am obsessed with the framework that allows society to patronize and reject the person who demands change. The same framework that allows society to label these people ‘obsessed’. I guess Malcolm was obsessed. I guess Martin was obsessed. I guess Assata was obsessed. I guess Yaa Asantewaa was obsessed. I guess Huey was obsessed. I guess I’m just fucking obsessed then. I’ll see you in 20 years - call me obsessed then.

I posted on FB that I was having some ‘natural hair’ beef. A friend asked me why - and this is my response:

People have just been bombarding me with requests that I go natural. It’s cool for everyone who decides to take that journey; I commend everyone and I respect it. I also think that natural hair is beautiful. But it’s not for me - not right now. As black people, black women especially, we forget the idea of spectrum. We endorse extremities, all the time. Now, natural hair is the ‘end all be all’ and straight or processed hair is ‘completely, utterly bad’. Yo it is what it is. It’s hair. It’s overrated. We are people that are blessed with options. I would appreciate it if people remembered that before criticizing the choice of another.